This morning I barely stumbled out of the shower before finding myself propped up at the bar/restaurant/café, Fat Cat Pie Co. across from my apartment, for my fix of caffeine and breakfast ( a soy latte and 2 slices of bloodroot bread with almond butter & a little agave…it’s kinda my crack!). It was 12pm.
I had woken at 8:30am, laid around for an hour, wasted time on facebook and other sensational mind-numbing junk online before I had to force myself to open the blinds and add some light to my day. I had a decent To-do list about creating my amazing life – which sat in my head; uncommitted.
“should be more motivated, creative, organized”
My internal chatter was reminding me of my ‘flaws’. In other words, I felt like a bad example of a successful human being and had to work hard to interrupt the voice that kept drumming it in.
I read the paper – “Wasting time – no, learning”
I ran into quite a few people I knew – “socializing again – no, making connections and deepening my community.”
Someone asked me to write something for them – “Phew, work” (that was a positive).
While I was ‘learning’ from the newspaper, I overheard the guy next to me talk about his cigarette addiction and lamenting about trying to quit. I had been in and out of conversation with him for part of the morning so the door was open for me to give my two cents, I offered the topic of hypnosis.
It started a very frank conversation on the topics of brain waves, behavioral patterns, life tools and therapy and issues and most talked about; flaws.
He announced that he had given up therapy, after being in it for 8 years, and decided that his ‘knowing’ doesn’t actually change anything. He said “I know my flaws”. He knew why he was hyperactive, and excitable and always going against authority. He had been put on medication for his ‘flaws’ but he felt like it took him further away from himself.
I just want to note that this guy is an extremely successful business owner and noted chef, appearing on morning shows with mainstream notoriety like Martha Steward etc. He has helped start farmers markets in the area and is asked to speak on panels for sustatainable living. He has a great marriage with 2 healthy children; not exactly a poster child for a ‘flawed’ human being.
So, I ask: Outside of harmful tendencies, what’s considered a flaw?
And moreover, who wrote the manual for a perfect human being? Whose standard are we aiming for? We live in a society incessantly working on their issues, which is not a bad thing except when it’s labelled a flaw. It seems to me like neurosis, or some sort of anxiety, about what we do or don’t do is becoming a standard feature in human beings, like a CD player in a new car. 10 fingers? 10 toes? Neurosis? Yep, healthy human being for the modern world.
No doubt, kids are being born with more hyperactivity and curiosity than previous generations, but could this just be a level of our evolution based on our diets? Or, based on the fast pace in which we are building the world and creating communities? Nothing needs to be slow anymore. Nothing is slow anymore and if it is it’s being written up in the Sunday Style section of the New York times as a new trend – in vintage style living!
I am not an expert in these kinds of fields but I am starting to wonder, what is it we’re actually trying to correct? Someone made up the concept of marriage, you know? And now, if you don’t find yourself in one at some point in your life, you’re a malfunctioning human being. People are always asking me why I am still single, ‘what’s wrong’, said in the same tone as they would ask someone how they developed that toe fungus that’s now spread up their leg. Being single is considered a flaw to some (and of course, analysis ensues about my ‘flaws’ when it comes to finding the guy) My general response to this question? “Why are you married?’ – said in the same toe fungus tone!
There is this imaginary line that we have created called the perfect human being and we’re paying thousands of dollars to navigate toward it.
In the end this ‘flawed’ guy basically surmised that his ‘flaws’ are actually his assets, they’re what actually built him his business and created his success. He thrives in chaos, he needs it, so does that render his flaws now irrelevant? My life coach says “if you’re creating results in your life, how can that be a flaw? It’s easy to mistake someone’s process as a flaw”.
I like that. I was reminded the other day, by another successful guy (notice a pattern – I know what company I like to keep) about the idea of process. “Ever have a problem that you just can’t solve and you end up having to walk away from it then return days/weeks/months later only to have the solution immediately? I just trust that the process is always working, even when I am not conscious of it.” Yes, and in the meantime – someone may consider it procrastination – right?
Bernadette Birney (who I think is absolutely flawless, even more so when she keeps admitting them) in her post about setting an example, or not trying to as a yoga teacher, talks a lot about the idea of loving our flaws. I kinda want to go one step further and say you don’t have any, because, turn it over and it’s invariably your asset. Like those silhouette trickery images; is it two faces or a vase?
So, my flaw of being lazy and unmotivated to check off my ‘to do list’ sent me in the direction of an idea for a blog post today 😉
Because really the ‘flawed’ guy and you and me; we’re actually fucking perfect. What are you putting in the way of you experiencing this?
What do you consider your flaw? And, then how can you see it as your asset (I love the word asset by the way – I always want to make a joke about asses – and yes, I think mine is flawed 🙂 ).